Preparing for your own death

If you have time and know that your final days are coming, it can be soothing for those left behind if you leave letters, cards, and birthday gifts, along with videos and photos of you so they can feel that they still have connection to you after you have gone. Especially touching can be photos of you with your loved ones and pictures of your hands holding theirs.

If there is time, it can also help those left behind if you have already prepared an obituary, lists of people you want contacted and instructions for a funeral or memorial celebration plan. You might want to indicate what songs or hymns you want, what kind of location (church? other setting?) that would have meaning to you. Where to be buried or where to take cremated remains is also a way to help your loved ones. These are all hard decisions and the grieving worry, hoping they are doing what you want. Specific instructions will take the burden from their shoulders.

Be sure that your loved ones know your pins, passwords, and the locations of your valuables and important documents.

A will or trust is essential. It will make your wishes clear and keep divisiveness from hurting the family. In addition, be sure to indicate a beneficiary for any monetary accounts. If there are particular family treasures, be sure to make it clear who gets them as well. Giving these kinds of things away before passing will help simplify the estate process, especially if your estate will be going into probate.

For yourself, it may be useful to speak with a counselor or chaplain about death to help take some of the uncertainty and fear from the process. A doctor can also help you understand the dying process, what you might expect and what can medically support you. If you have chosen hospice they can help as well. Be clear with these people about your concerns. Some common ones are fear of pain, fear of loss of dignity and the loss of bodily functions, fear of where you will be going or if you will exist in any other form at all, fear of what will happen to your loved ones and questions about if you will ever see them again. Counselors, chaplains and medical professionals that regularly come into contact with the dying can help address these concerns and make dying less difficult.

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